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Poetry/Short Stories

Werewolf Misconceptions
A viewers e-mail

Dear Lycanthropy Page Folks:

Feel free to discredit me after you've read a bit-- I'm used to it, and I haven't deeply studied folklore or anything. My suggestions are based on the fact that I know a few lycanthropes, perfectly nice people. I would like to suggest a few changes in the myths you have printed as facts in this site.

First off, werewolves don't eat humans. They never have and I doubt they ever will. Dining on Sentients is disgusting and only done by complete lunatics. (The word lunatic is a bit wrong, too -- the moon makes no one crazy . . .) I'm sure that far more cannibalistic humans have eaten their fellow beings than werewolves, who are generally immune to most insanity.The ludicrous myth that werewolves eat humans is based on the equally ludicrous myth that wolves eat humans. Sure, they might eat lambs (symbol of Christ! gasp!), but so do humans. People generally don't call humanmutton-eaters evil, and never conclude that having a lamb chop makes them a cannibal.

The silver bullet thing is half-true. All werewolves are strongly allergic to silver. The presence of it makes them understandably wary ,because a touch gives them a minor but painful burn and if it gets into the bloodstream it will kill almost instantly. An iron bullet through the heart will kill them, but a silver bullet grazing one, say, through the hand and infecting them will also kill. Skin-surface silverburn begins by burning like touching a hot stove, fading away to a tingle. The area around the burnt skin and the burn itself is temporally paralyzed, the nerves contracting. I have seen a burnt hand curl into a twisted, helpless claw for about two or three days from accidentally brushing against some jewelry. Please note that I am first aid certified, but next to that have no medical training whatsoever except for limited herbalism. I describe symptoms as best I can as an ignorant viewer.

Story continued below


Werewolves are about as far from licentious as can be. They mate for life, staying devoted to their chosen mate until both die. Widows or widowers will not re-"marry", and will mourn their lost mate, grief-stricken. Most werewolves die within a month of their mate. Werewolves have no aversion to running water or garlic. One of my lycanthrope friends' great joys in life is wading through water. Something about mud between her toes, she says. She also makes great garlic-parmesan spaghetti. Werewolves don't like crosses or holy water much because they are symbols of Christianity, but can abide their presence. There's never been a Christian werewolf, maybe because of the Christian tendency towards burnin their people alive. Something like that could tick anyone off. Also, church ceremonies would be impossible. I've never seen a werewolf that could sit still for more than ten minutes at a stretch unless they were stalking something.

Lycanthropy is hereditary. The child of two werewolves is a werewolf. If a werewolf bites a human, the human will bleed and most likely sue the werewolf, but lycanthropy isn't contagious. I would also like to point out that the Wolf-man is not a werewolf, but a wolf-man. Wolf-men are Hollywood creations, furry, bestial monsters.

Werewolves can change from wolf to humanoid at any time, not limited by the full moon, and are undistinguishable from wolves in wolf-state. In human-state they have elongated, slightly canine ears, amber or black almond-shaped eyes, subtly pointed teeth, and dark, wild hair. The mane-ishness of hair is cultural, not genetic, and werewolves in human state have no more hair than anyone else. They are usually more athletic than humans, and their minds work in completely different ways, but to a casual observer they appear quite human. Also, a werewolf can be told by their general disgust towards most humans, and vegetables (referred to collectively as 'plants, the things that cows eat'.)

I hope this has been of some help, or at least an entertaining fairy tale. Feel free to laugh and erase this letter, but if you got this far through it you seem to be an open-minded and patient person.